2004 Kitten Contest YAY!

At the Vons right by my house we are having a kitten contest on Saturday. Basically everyone will bring their kitten(s) dressed in costumes and/or miniature hats and they will be judged by everyone and it will be a lot of fun.

Categories are:

Most playful kitten
Funniest kitten
CLEVEREST KITTEN! (my fav!)
Sparkliest kitten
Most unique kitten hat
KITTEN VEST OF THE YEAR (remember all the cute vests from last year lol!)

Unfortunately, admission has gone up this year - it now costs TWO SMILES to get in the door :) :) :) (last year it was one smile). All smile proceeds will go to CHEERING UP OUR LOCAL COMMUNITY YAY!

Oh and LEASHES PLEASE PEOPLE! Last year we all remember what happened to Sir Sprinkles....

(for those of you who don't remember, he was hit by a motorcycle and his head was crushed, except it took him excruciatingly long to die, and the blood/twitching/squeals were unbearable).

SEE YOU SATURDAY XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hot Pedal Pumping Action

Well, I guess there is something out there for everyone. I've heard frightening stories about diaper fetishes. I've seen websites where people go play in the woods dressed up as rabbits and cuddle. I know there's a special place in Japan where people will pee all over their wife. But thePedal Pumping Picture Gallery is something new to me.

They have picture galleries of guys, in cars, pressing down the gas pedal. There are a variety of shoes, boots, and sandals involved in this hot action. There are pictures of speedometers registering 120 mph. Make no mistake - there are no action pictures of cars going fast or doing flips or racing - the excitement for these people is the simple fact that there is a gas pedal pushed to "the metal". It is quite apparent that these cars are parked in someone's driveway. There are even sections for hot college action, where apparently college kids are pressing the gas pedal instead of thirty year olds.

They also have DVD's for sale - almost fifty! That's fifty hours of footage of people pressing down the gas pedal. They are available for $20 - but that's only a fraction of the cost of the therapy and counseling you are going to need if your friends ever find this DVD in your collection next to Top Gun.

We are LEGIT

So for no reason other than extreme boredom, at work today I decided I needed a "pimp cup". For those of you not familiar with the hip hop subculture, a pimp cup is an ornamental chalice that you put your wine in; hermetically engineered to keep spillage to a minimum during the slappage of hoes or the recognizition of ones game. I think it would be cool as shit to break out a gold cup overflowing with diamonds and fill it with chocolate milk and vodka the next time the bitches come over to my pad. I don't really know what "flossin'" means, but I bet it tons easier to do when you have a fucking pimp cup. Feel me.

So my search engine skillz (2 da max) brought my ass to icedoutgear.com, and their fabulous display of pimp cups, fake rolex watches, and "shoe spinners", which are little medallions that hang out of your shoe and spin around and shit. You know, just like the rims on the car next to you at the stoplight when you get scared and look the other way and pretend to be preoccupied while they yell at you and tell you to turn down your Van Halen. I have revealed too much.

The point of this story is - hmm. There really isn't a point. I just kind of wanted to use that chocolate milk and vodka joke I had stored up for a few weeks. Although, if you go here you can see icedoutgear.com's customer service guarantees. It includes the following classic description of their company's inception:

It all started 3 years ago in a part of Los Angeles called San Fernando Valley, when 4 young hip hop fans were trying to find a legit place to get some hip hop clothing and jewelry to sport when going out. They didn't have two hundred thousand dollars to spend on a bracelet or watch, but still wanted to look sharp. No matter how hard they looked they couldn't find a place that had low prices, bomb customer service and quick shipping.

So these cats said...What if there was a place where young players like us could get some real looking iced out jewelry and fly hip hop gear for very low prices, with quick delivery and bomb customer service?

That is the most honest company biography ever written. "Me and Darren wanted to get laid. Bracelets were a fucking rip off. Icedoutgear.com" It doesn't get any succint than that.

Dude, they ARE legit as FUCK. Fools dish out sweet gear with none o' that hassle the other companies try to spread on you. These dogs got game -and that's coming from a certified game-recognizing machine (myself). And speaking of myself, if you're looking for a birthday present for me (September 22, fags), a PIMP CUP or a BLING-BLING watch would be an excellent choice. Or crayons, because me like to drawing lots.

Cuddle Parties?

We've all been lonely, seriously. I spent an entire year obsessing about the ugly daughter on "Roseanne", so I know what it's like to be lonely.

But please, please, just.... just stop the madness.

Cuddle Parties?