The World's Lamest Way to Ruin Your Cell Phone

Since I am a gigantic dork, I have one of those new super tiny cell phones that all the college kids have been raving about. It's like 2 inches long and the faceplate slides up and down like some sort of Star Trek stun gun (not that I have any time to watch Star Trek - I'm too busy BEING AWESOME!). So, yeah, my phone is tiny.

So last night, I'm sitting at my friends house drinking some crusty Mexican malt liquor drink called "Mojito". It tastes like an ethnic Sparks - or if you're not familiar with that atrocity - like a Smirnoff Ice. I started drinking the drink from the bottle, but when I noticed there was rusty mud around the lip of the bottle, I decided it would be smart to pour it into a glass. Nothing worse than catching lip-AIDS from a Mexican whore when you haven't even left America.

So, I'm sitting there with my drink in one hand and my phone in the other, when my brain makes a toaster-oven-esque "ding" noise accompanied by a strong visual of a light bulb. Awww, how sweet - an idea was being born!

I decided to show the room of people just how small my cell phone was. I balanced the phone on top of my pint glass (still filled with "Mojito") and said "look - if my phone was any smaller, it would fall into the glass!". Enter gravity. Sprinkle with stupidity. Wala! You now have a cell phone soaking up the wonderful essence of Mexican malt liquor!

I've GOT to stop being so retarded. I've simply got to.